I thought I would never be able to learn guitar and that it was stupid. If you have something you want to do, it can totally happen. Maybe not the next day, but it will

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Day 5

A lot of things from years ago in my life have recently all resurfaced at once, I’ve had a crazy few weeks. It all started when I made an Instagram. I was against any social media for awhile, but I said what the heck. I was going to try it and if I didn’t like it I could always get rid of it. What happened was definitely not what I was expecting. Seeing people that you tried hard to forget, remember YOU is kind of weird. I find it mostly weird because sometimes you forget after your life still goes on. That that town, with those people didn’t cease to exist because you left. It almost feels that way when you avoid memories of it and generally block it from your mind, which is what I did. So getting that reminder all at once that hey! All those people all those places and all those memories are there— made me feel as though all that time spent trying to forget was pointless. I realize that just like mistakes, you need to own your past, otherwise what was the point of that day or week or even years? Memory is a curse and a blessing. Just like so many things in life it’s difficult, but being able to make those memories just  that- memories…makes it so much easier.  


“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”  Mark Twain                                           

Day 4

my anxiety has been worse than it has been in awhile I have had four panic attacks this week, it’s been rough. yesterday I thought about my anxiety, and why I am how I am. I thought that because nothing terrible or horrific has happened to me that I should be fine. Which I now realize that maybe I have a slightly twisted idea of what is terrible…My mom showed this to me after I had started feeling like I had no justifiable reason for having anxiety or feeling depressed.

“I’ve never been to war. I can’t have PTSD.” Yes, you can.

“I’m not suicidal. I can’t have depression.” Yes, you can.

“He’s never hit me. It can’t be abuse.” Yes, it can.

Suffering is not a contest. Your experiences are valid. Seek out the help you need.

you dont need some big reason to be sad or in pain.

Day 3

This is Daisy! she is the sweetest English bulldog.  She is really silly and I love her soooo much! She is twelve weeks old and very sassy. I didn’t get much sleep last night though… Probably won’t tonight either. I took a lot of pictures of this cutie:)

“Tell me I’m clever, Tell me I’m kind, Tell me I’m talented, Tell me I’m cute, Tell me I’m sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I’m perfect – But tell me the truth”.    Shel Silverstein. 

 

 

 

Day 2.

So about a month ago, I did something that I realize can be very challenging for some people. I got rid of almost all my social media and I basically made a clean slate. I got rid of tumblr and other popular social networking sites. It was too much to see all of the cutting stories and teen angst. I felt like it was holding me back from recovering and being happy; I felt almost jealous of everyone that was still completely enveloped in their own misery. So I got rid of it. I don’t look at that stuff anymore. It was bad for me then, and it still remains the same now. Whether it seems like that stuff makes a difference or not, it does. That fact is also true for people; there are people that are going to try to keep you from reaching your goals. They will make you feel miserable and hopeless. Those people are toxic and don’t deserve to be in your life, if all they are doing is taking away from it.

Quote of the day: ” Do not give way to useless alarm; though it is right to be prepared for the worst, there is no occasion to look on it as certain.” Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

 

 

 

Day 1!

I have been feeling pretty bummed out lately what with school and stuff. I cleaned my room, went through my desk, organized it, did dishes, and vaccuumed. After doing all that I sat down and felt really unsure of what to do or how I felt; just kind of searching for something else to distract myself with. I have been having days where everything I like to do just isn’t clicking with me and I end up taking a nap or playing a video game. When I don’t feel this way, which is more often than not, I have been reading Edgar Allen Poe and a mystery called The Winter People. I can’t wait for spring so I can take walks and photograph flowers and not snow or ice or wilted things.

Quote of the day: “And so being young and dipped in Folly I fell in love with Melancholy.” Edgar Allen Poe.

Introduction.

I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety not that long ago. For the most part, with the help of God and prayers from friends and family, I have been able to overcome the worst of it. I still have anxiety attacks and bad days but I am nowhere near where I was. After I started my recovery I realized a lot of things about myself and things about other people I had not understood. When you are going through depression you don’t realize how addictive it is. I have days where I feel like something is reaching for me and it takes a lot to not slip back into that sadness. I found for me, and I think it stands to be true for a lot of people (especially teens), that depression makes you feel defined. Most people, want to know who they are. They want that thing about them that sounds unique and different. What you don’t realize is that it’s a crutch and you don’t need it. Being depressed doesn’t make you deep or cool or mysterious. I know how easy it is to tell someone ”I was diagnosed with depression” and get that accepting look and thoughtful attitude.  You can get away with bad attitudes and mood swings and being a slob, but your emotional health is not a get out of jail free card. It isn’t a way to escape from people or obligations, it’s you, it’s your life, it’s precious time that you could do so much with.